Saturday, 17 May 2014

Boundaries and being autistic

I have struggled with boundaries my whole life, I thought I had to put up more than I could cope with and then ended up drained. It takes too much out of me and I am left emotionally drained, upset, perseverating, anxious, and triggered. It takes me time to regain my sense of calm and balance being a highly sensitive person

I find it difficult to know where to draw the line of caring and supporting a person and then having to withdraw to self-protect. I am erring on the side of potentially harsh to keep myself safe.

I have had friendships erupt over toxic drama. I feel sad that it ended badly but there is nothing I can do about it. I often do not know how to fix the broken friendship without me getting more hurt and upset, which I simply cannot afford to have happen.

I have toxic (extended) family members, thankfully not all of them and have had to limit my interactions as I find them very draining and oblivious to their issues.

I tend to feel sorry for people who are stuck, try to help them, then get caught up in their pattern of behaviour and end up their projecting/abuse target.

After several upsetting and abusive situations I have experienced online with other people, I have written myself some personal boundaries. These are for all interactions I have on-line and off-line. I simply do not have the emotional or mental energy to cope with abusive behaviour. I will put up boundaries and remove myself from the situation. 

I will not be helping or supporting people who are not somewhat self-aware, wanting to be more self-aware. Who do not own their issues and want to work on them. I will not be helping people who do not want help or advice the first time I offer it. I have no interest in getting sucked into other people's drama and toxicity. I've got enough of my own issues to work through, and own, of which I am very much aware (my limitations, issues). I'm happy to share my knowledge and story, what's worked for me (which may not work for others) and encourage others in their life journey. I am not interested in being around people who want to stay stuck in their misery.

I will not tolerate people expecting more from me than I can give and then getting abusive or passive aggressive about it when I put up my boundary.

I am working on setting stronger boundaries, sticking to them and focusing on living my life. People can interact with me on my own terms, or not at all. I don't have energy to cater to everyone.

I choose to keep myself safe by sticking to my boundaries.

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